my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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