I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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