Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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