You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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