i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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