we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
