She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
