You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
