I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
