Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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