I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
