Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Randomize
