Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
