I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i came on her dog
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
