Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
