fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
