If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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