How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
