I just gift wrapped bread.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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