My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
