he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
