I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
