Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
