i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
