My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
