I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
