I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
