i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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