someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
