Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
