My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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