True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
