The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
