There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
How's work?
Spinning.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Randomize
