Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
