why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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