You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
