the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
