He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
