Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
