My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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