wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Randomize
