3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
