I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
