So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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