I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
