I CAN MOONWALK!
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
