Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
