he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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