I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
